Now, after my father's death, I re-read the e-mail he sent me in 2006. It was so hurtful that I broke up with him without hesitation.

I reconnected with him in 2019. He was eighty-four years old then. I thought I would hurt myself if I didn't see my father again before he would die sometime in the future.

We never talked about our conflict again. I knew it wouldn't do any good, and my father never asked me about it.

In the last few years, my father became weaker and weaker. First slowly and then faster and faster he lost his thoughts and he lost the words.

In the end, I somehow liked this helpless old man.

I held his hand and knew, it was too late now to find out about him.

I didn´t know him really.