Now, after my father's death, I re-read the e-mail he sent me in 2006. It was so hurtful that I broke up with him without hesitation.

I met him again in 2019. He was eighty-four years old at the time. I thought I would hurt myself if I didn't see my father again before he died at some point in the future.

In the last two years, my father became weaker and weaker. First slowly and then faster he lost his thoughts and he lost the words.

In the end, I somehow even liked this helpless old man.

I held his hand and knew, it was too late now to find out about him.